Journal Entry: Thu Jan 19, 2012, 1:36 PM
since i have a one day premium membership (like everyone else), i'm gonna take advantage of the journal skin! it's been almost a year since i last wrote a journal, though. wow. i am so lazy. whatever.
when i last wrote a journal entry, i was about to move. i'm in the same boat now a year later. yay for living in chicago apartments. only good for a year before you get sick of staring at the same white walls and cheap carpet. but a lot has changed since the last journal. my sister had another baby (yay). i quit my job and have been unemployed since august (boo). but my boyfriend moved in with me to help pay rent and b/c we love each other and stuff (yay). we also got a cat. his name is walter and he is very fat. but we only live in a studio right now with white walls and cheap carpet, so we are moving into a bigger place soon. at least i hope. we applied for a place we love, with beige walls and no carpet, a faux fireplace and a small porch. it's pretty much perfect. but we haven't heard back yet if we've been approved or not, and we're getting kicked out of our current apartment when the lease ends. which is january 31. that means lots of stress. lots of anxiety. lots of worry. both of us hate not having control over big things like this, but it's not in our hands right now. we have to wait on the apartment people to get back to us. i'm handling that... relatively okay. the boyfriend not so much. which causes me more stress anxiety and worry.
i'm also still trying to find a job, but for every ten resumes i send out i get maybe one interview, but then never hear from them again. it doesn't matter that they are jobs anyone can do, that require no experience in the field even if i have it. for some reason they don't like me. even when the interview seems to go great, i get passed over. stress anxiety and worry. at least the boyfriend is working on getting a promotion. but there is a lot of work that goes into that, work that seems tedious and unnecessary but required by the company because they like to make people jump through hoops and prove they can be molded to fit the company image. it doesn't matter that he is qualified for the promotion and has already started the training for it and learned what would be entailed. now he is responsible for those things without getting paid for it. stress anxiety and anger.
but we are pushing through. it's really hard right now because everything is so close (and yet so far) but we have no control. not knowing is really hard, and waiting is frustrating. all i can do is keep calm and stay focused so that i can keep the man as calm as possible. i don't like it anymore than he does, but he shows frustration more easily than i do. which seems like a complete reversal from where we were a few months ago when i quit my job. he was there to take care of me then, so now i get to pay him back and take care of him as much as i can.
well, that's the emotional stuff out of the way. now for the art stuff! wait... there hasn't been much art stuff. being unemployed has given me a lot more time to make art, but no monies for resources. for awhile i was doing really good. i started playing with watercolors, which was a new thing for me. i discovered i kind of like them, even if i'm using them kind of like acrylics and not using them like watercolors. but now, i feel listless and depressed and have little motivation. even when i have an idea, i get started but can't bring myself to finish it. i hate that. sometimes it's because it was only a half formed idea and i don't know where to take it, other times it's just that i don't want to do it anymore. maybe it's because of all that other stuff weighing on my mind. i just want to escape into mindlessness and watch buffy the vampire slayer on hulu.
well, that is all i really have to say... i don't know that anyone really cares anyways. it all sounds kind of depressing, but i have a lot to be happy about. friends and family that are willing to help out in hard times and a boyfriend i love more than anything and who loves me no matter what (cheesy barf moment). i know we'll be okay soon, and come out stronger in the end (cheesy inspirational music).
Listening to: apartment noises
Reading: watchmen (again)
Watching: buffy the vampire slayer
Drinking: sam adams boston lager